Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
