I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
