my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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