i already hear my dad disowning me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
