wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
