Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
