If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
