Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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