i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
