No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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