i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize