Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
