Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
