Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
