I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
this will be a night to untag.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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