hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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