he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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