Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
