Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
well you can't waste a boner
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
