Is it because I queefed?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
