So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
