i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize