My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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