You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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