I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
