No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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