I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize