I think i peed on brittanys purse
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Blood and glitter go together right?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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