when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
