It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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