oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
