12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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