Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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