At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
