see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
