what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
