So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
