Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize