She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
