i jhust puked up my retainher.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
