I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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