watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
