Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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