Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sarcasm needs its own font
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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