went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
