I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
