Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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