Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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