she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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