Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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