Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
