I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
