new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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