Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
