Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
