There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
