just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
