There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh god it's open bar.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize