i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
