She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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