She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize