bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
we should paint friendship bongs
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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