my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
