look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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