so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
