so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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