So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
