just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My balls are so social today.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
