hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
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