508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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