I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
