Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
