And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
"it" just moved
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
