return my video game
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the day after is always just damage control
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
