rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
