no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
