just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
