Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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