called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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