I think i peed on brittanys purse
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
