none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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