so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
