I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
