I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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