Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
