It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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