fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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