I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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