Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
