dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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