Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Randomize
