Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
