The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
