shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
