I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
